And The Winner Is ...

Okay, I do jump down off of my political soapbox every now and then and post something that I think is fun and crazy (coming soon: my VH1 Sunday night reality show lineup review).

TC's 4th Annual Ghetto Azz Awards
tc@urbanflavorz.com

Wassup UF!!! Happy New Year to you all! I hope you all had a safe and happy holidays, I know I did. I enjoyed my time off, yet I missed writing at the same time. But it's a new year, and its time to set things off the RIGHT WAY!! Aye Big Ed, let's take OVER this year SON!! HOLLA DOLLA!!

Ok, I'm sorry for the random outbursts, but this is 2005, it's our time to shine UF!! Look out for some really different things coming from UF this year, free passes, giveaways, hookups...just make sure you keep your inbox clean, make sure that your bulk mail folder respects my gangsta!! Well, having that been said, without further adieu, here's TC's 4th Annual Ghetto Azz Awards!!

The 3rd Annual "ATTENTION WHORE" Award - Janet Jackson, and Justin
Timberlake. Turned the Superbowl Halftime celebration into "Nippleodeon." Had little kids at home not knowing whether to sing along to the songs, or massage their breasts.

The "Coming of Age" award - Jamie Foxx. I'm glad to see him get some good roles, and show the world that he is a very talented actor/musician. Because if I saw him in one more bad Vivica Fox-type movie, I was going to be very disappointed in him.

Best Lips of 2004 - Fantasia. I don't even know if she can really sing or not, I just love the way her bottom lips quivers when she's singing verses.

Runner up- Anjelina Jolie- I'd get her mouth pregnant.

The "I Will Not Be Your Weave" Award - Smarty Jones. That horse ran like a little Chinese Beauty supply store Owner was chasing after him.

Runner Up- Sea Biscuit a.k.a. "Wet n Wavy"; who unfortunately fell victim to the track glue gun.

The "Solution for Boring Sunday Nights" Award - The Wire. R.I.P. Stringer Bell. I swear, all season long, every time I saw Slim Charles I wished he would shout out "RRIIISSEEE!!!" just ONE time.

Runner up - POKER. Trips to Vegas and Atlantic City have tripled over the past year. Personally, I prefer "I Declare War."

The Akon "I GOT LOCKED UP"(they wont let me out...) Award - Martha Stewart.

The "Butt of All Jokes" Award- William Hung. At least he got some money out of it though, I guess whatever works, right?

Runner up - Star Jones. Sweetheart, you married a fassi. Prime example of how dumb ass women claim that they don't know when they are dealing with a DL brotha. This nigga wears panty hose with his timberlands, and you cant tell he's a flamer? Joke's on you, Starrah.

Let's pause for a moment of Silence as we remember those who have fallen in 2004: ODB, Rick James, Sex In The City, Friends, Ronald Regaen, Yasser Arafat, Christopher Reeve, Ray Charles

The "White Men Run Shit!!" Award - G. W. Bush. Nuff Said.

Runner Up - Howard Stern

Scariest Looking Group Award- The Black Eyed Peas. Them bamas look like evil Anti-Christ Communists. I think that they are talking about the New World Order when they say "Let's Get It Star-teeeddd."

The "You Still A Nigger" Award - Kobe Bryant. Come on, slim...you should have known better.

Runner up - Ron Artest and the Indiana Pacers

The "Destiny's Child" Award - The Russ Parr Morning Show. Them Bamas kick more folks off that show than Beyonce's Father. And then act like nothing happened. Olivia Fox still looks like a light skinned Gremlin though.

The "Biggest Loser" Award - The USA Men's Basketball Team. Bums.

Runner up - Ashley Simpson

"Mix Tape King" of the Year- Osamna Bin Laden. This dude has More P.A. Tapes then Rare Essence.

Reggae Artist of The Year- Vybes Kartel

Worse Attitude Problem Award- Ya Ya from America's Next Top Model. Shawty got some Sea Breeze, then turned into a complete beeyatch.
p.s. I'd still smash, though.

If you all have any awards that you think I should have put up, HOLLA ATHA BOY!!

TC@URBANFLAVORZ.COM
aka Tommie Collins