Still Laughing

I'm sorry! This is a riot! Now he's apologizing and wants to meet with black leaders! Who? Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton? The black men people are sick of hearing but keep calling on all things black? Dog! Your aren't sorry and it's okay! You are free to use the word nigger because, you know, all those rappers who aren't in your demographic, use it. You have no problem being sweet to all of those Hawaiian criminals (and of the times I've watched none of them were black) but let your son date a black track star who is probably 10 times too good for him and you use the "I won't be able to say nigger no more" excuse for why you think it is a bad idea. Keep the story moving, you ex-con you. Who sold you out by releasing the tape? Was it your nigger loving son?

"My sincerest, heartfelt apologies go out to every person I have offended for my regrettable use of very inappropriate language. I am deeply disappointed in myself for speaking out of anger to my son and using such a hateful term in a private phone conversation. It was completely taken out of context. I was disappointed in his choice of a friend, not due to her race, but her character. However, I should have never used that term.

I have the utmost respect and aloha for black people – who have already suffered so much due to racial discrimination and acts of hatred. I did not mean to add yet another slap in the face to an entire race of people who have brought so many gifts to this world. I am ashamed myself and I pledge to do whatever I can to repair this damage I have caused. In Hawaii, we have something called Ho'oponopono, where people come together to resolve crises and restore peace and balance.

I am meeting with my spiritual advisor, Rev. Tim Storey, and hope to meet with other black leaders so they can see who I really am and teach me the right thing to do to make things right, again. I know that all of my fans are deeply disappointed in me, as well, as I have tried to be a model for doing the right thing. I did not do the right thing this time, and hope you will forgive me. We learn from our mistakes, as my story of overcoming a life of crime has proven, and I will learn from this one for the rest of my life."

Dog's career isn't over. There is a world of opportunity in AM talk radio and on Fox News. Don't fret, dude. There is an entire genre for people like you.

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